The Right Move?

The Right Move?

The majority of you will know we recently moved to Warwick after living in Leicester for the last eight years. My husband and I are originally from the Warwick and Leamington Spa area, so in theory it wasn't going to be hugely daunting.

Our children have only ever known Leicester and the life we built there. The home where they learned to ride bikes on the driveway. The front door setting the backdrop for the obligatory back to school photos year after year. It's where our pets came to be our furry family members. We knew uprooting them would be a big deal, but children are incredibly resilient and can adapt insanely fast. They've done just that, all whilst maintaining their Leicester friendships too! I've no idea where they get these social skills from...

I knew what I would be giving up. A couple of easy going friends who I will still make the effort to see, comfortable familiarity and the simplicity of being a recluse during my busy work months. However the long list of positives such a move would bring for my boys, husband included, was not something to ever turn down. So here we are, in Warwick. We now live slap bang between our life long friends and our family. My husband's work is just down the road, which means he can return to the office after two and a half years at home. There's definitely no denying it, Warwick is a beautiful place to live.

BUT.

I'm just going to say it. I've been bloody miserable. A new build development under construction over winter is isolating, especially when you're self employed. I'm all for being a hermit by choice, not so much by enforced limitations. No access to walks through the local meadows. No quick trips to the local Post Office to drop off your orders. They don't even have an Amazon delivery driver here! Let's not even start on the shopping experience. Fosse Park, I miss you every single day! Everyone else in the house seemed happy. But not me. What the hell had I done?!

My "fix it" nature saw me throw myself full force into all things work as well as creating a home. It's fair to say my business saw the benefits of such focus and has been thriving in ways I never imagined possible. The house is looking pretty decent too, but I was still ridiculously unhappy.

Those of you who have watched on over the years, know my tolerance of "people in person" is limited. I can chat away on social media, but I'm an introvert. I like my own company. I'm not hugely sociable. I create my own happy. I keep my circle miniscule. While all of this is true, it's also laced with a lie.

In Leicester, my life became entwined with a huge community of people which grew over the years without me realising. The circle of mums who always stepped up for me and my boys whenever it was needed. These women got me through the worst of times. They kept the humdrum of life ticking over while my husband was incredibly sick. Lifts to the hospital, school runs, dropping off food and snacks for the boys. Without them, I probably would have crumbled under the strain. All of this was given without the requirement of a fully fledged friendship. I never really gave it much consideration before, because it's what parents do. We do these things without thinking. It's just a reflex to help another parent in need of support. Last minute pickups, playdates and playground chitchat is all par for the course. Let me tell you, you quickly notice when it's gone!

Then there's the daily routine with the postie and the delivery drivers. The wave to the neighbour across the road and the nod to the same guy you see every single day when out with the dogs. The Post Office staff who watched my business grow, who would comment on my change in packaging and knew when busy seasons were coming. The group of people who automatically make your Christmas card list despite not knowing their names.

My comfortable familiarity was people! I missed people! There. I said it.

Almost 8 months later and spring, along with the near completion of our street, sees children playing outside and parents coming together to say hello. Neighbours are becoming familiar faces to chitchat with and to give a wave to. My new postie is a lady who loves to linger a little longer, so she can pet Ruby and Joey.

So was it the right move? Absolutely. 

Since I've realised exactly what's missing, I am now hugely comforted to know a community will naturally grow around me over time. There's now a Facebook group for our development... so you know, shit just got real!

If you've recently relocated and you're feeling isolated, know that everything is temporary. It will require patience and a little effort on your part, when you perhaps feel least able to give it. But if you take the time to nurture those small daily interactions, your community and your contentment will flourish.

Much introverted love, 

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3 comments

So eloquently written as always Clara. We are such just creatures of habit we have to repeat so many things on a daily basis to enable them to bring us the comfort of routine and familiar surroundings..my sister has recently moved a mile away from her previous home and can’t settle yet so it’s totally understandable how you feel. It sounds like slowly getting there building new memories and starting a new adventure too! Big hugs x

Mel Bamford

Thank you for your honesty. We moved 500 miles last October to be closer to family (well – still 2 hours away) and it has been just awful on every level. I no longer feel so alone and weird. Thank you x

Amy

That is a very beautifully written post. We experienced a similar situation when we moved to Norfolk – it’s not easy so well done! x

Susan

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